Should parents who can take time away from work to raise their young child do so?

 
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Career Re-entry for the At-Home Parent parenting.blogs.nytimes.com
Last week, Jennifer Romaniuk wrote the Motherlode with a passionate parental quandary. “I voluntarily walked away from a promising career,” she e-mailed. “I had no idea how long it would take to claw
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Who else will devote the time necessary to raise your child

 

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No, each woman should have the option to choose.

 

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Leaving work for many years means that the parent will essentially give up their career

 

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  • Luis Perez user photo

    6

    Luis Perez Oct 18, 2012

    Leaving work for many years means that the parent will essentially give up their career

    It is very tough for an individual to come back to work after several years outside the work force. Most fields change very quickly, networks of professional friends are lost, and experience is lost. A person that takes many years off work is unlikely to return to the same spot in their career.

     

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      Lol!ta Oct 19, 2012

      Not true. Depends on how you define your career. If you mean the stereotypical corporate job, then maybe but even then, not the case (many women return after many years... they might have lost some of the mojo but it comes back after a few months). Also, the ugly truth is that you have to give up on something: your career for a few years, or the first years with your child (which many say are the most important in shaping your child's personality). Most jobs don't offer a balance opportunity, such as part-time which would probably be ideal to most women the first few years. At the end of the day, this is the woman's decision.

       

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        Luis Perez Oct 19, 2012

        Yes, I agree, not every career would be affected by taking say 5 years off, but many many will. A parent can also remain active on a part-time during these years. However, for most corporate careers it will certainly slow progression a good amount.

         

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          Lol!ta Oct 19, 2012

          Agree, but again, it depends how you want to define your career. If a woman aspires to be the next CEO of a major Fortune 500 company, forget it - you pop that kid and go back to work next day (and make sure you're multi-tasking while giving birth as someone else my take that job). BUT if a woman desires to keep a career to have a degree of independence, security and mental challenge outside of the home (particularly once the kids leave as the article indicates) then being the next CEO is irrelevant and taking some time off is okay. I would say that most women, once they have kids, their ambition to be the next CEO or top executive becomes less important as the child becomes their new CEO. Some people can criticize that, but I call that evolution. Staying at home to take care of my child is a self-drive motivation, so it's a sacrifice but it's self-indulging at the same time. Once that chapter is fulfilled, a new chapter begins. It's up to the woman who stays at home to decide how she wants to reinvent herself or not. My point is, you do not give up a 'career life" by staying at home for a few years. You might give up the typical corporate ladder structured job, but that's not the only avenue to a career.

           

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          • Lol!ta user photo

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            Lol!ta Oct 19, 2012

            Also, most corporate careers don't offer the option of a part-time so that is a bit irrelevant. You either go full on or you don't. Also, some corporations define part as not working on Fridays, but in reality you do end up working that day from home, which turns into a full. Four days a week does not qualify as a part-time.

             

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  • Luis Perez user photo

    5

    Luis Perez Oct 18, 2012

    Who else will devote the time necessary to raise your child

    Raising a kid takes time - a lot. From attention, to the right food, to the right stimulants, kids need someone there providing them with the right environment. A child can certainly do well with limited parenting time. And I understand that many times the financial situation does not allow either parent to leave work for an extended period of time. However, when possible, I think a parent that is constantly there to help the child during early development can greatly improve the growth of that child.

     

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      3

      Lulu Wang Curiel Oct 18, 2012

      Does it mean that you expect your wife to do so?

       

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      • Luis Perez user photo

        3

        Luis Perez Oct 18, 2012

        No, never specified which parent should take off from work. The presence of either parent would be a positive influence on the children.

         

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          3

          Lol!ta Oct 19, 2012

          I'd love to say that men and women are the same, but WE ARE NOT (sorry to all feminist out there but men can't carry and breastfeed children). If my husband could have breastfed, then perhaps the circumstances would have been different. I'm not discriminating here, nature is.

           

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          Ana Luisa Oct 19, 2012

          Though I agree with Lol!ta that men and women are not equal - and good thing!), I support Luis's opinion that the presence of either parent has a positive influence on children. It is more the attention and teachings that the parent offers his child rather than the milk the child drinks what is really going to shape his/her future.

           

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  • Lol!ta user photo

    6

    Lol!ta Oct 18, 2012

    No, each woman should have the option to choose.

    Every woman should be able to make this decision on their own regardless if they can afford it or not. The truth is that it's not a win/win situation. If you go back to work, you sacrifice time and the most important years with your child and you delegate that to someone else. If you stay at home, you sacrifice your career. We lose regardless, so women have to be okay with their decision and it's very personal. If you decide to go back to work, you have to be "a peace" with the notion that most likely the caregiver/daycare is not going to put the same energy into your child as you would but, in most cases, the children will still thrive anyways. Some women don't feel okay with this idea. Others would go insane at home and would be unhappy and as a consequence so would the children. They also want to have other challenges that move beyond the home. I personally was not okay with delegating that responsibility when it came to the time to make the decision (it surprised me). I wanted to be there hands-on. I came to terms with my decision because I can go back to work if I choose to do so at any time (life is not a straight line as many think). Women can use this as an opportunity to reinvent themselves - go back to school or/and start their own business. For me, things changed too much the moment my daughter was born and my priorities shifted. But again, every women is different. The good and difficult thing is that we now have options that before we didn't, which come with great responsibility and sacrifice. Regardless, of which decision a women makes, being a mom is difficult.

     

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    • Aida M. Garcia-Toledo user photo

      3

      Aida M. Garcia-Toledo Oct 19, 2012

      Not everyone is meant to be a stay at home parent and not every parent can stay at home for economical reasons.

      If you are lucky enough to be able to stop working to raise your child then, yes you should do so. While hiring someone to take care of your young child while you go to work is probably easier than staying home.... I think that staying home, most of the time, benefits the child immensely since having a nanny raise a child vs having an active parent raise a child day in and day out really does not compare.
      Having said that: NOT EVERY PARENT is meant to be a stay at home parent. It is very hard and takes a certain personality. Since , ultimately, what is best for the child is to have two happy and stable parents, each parent should identify if this is something that would ultimately make them happy.

      But the important thing is that, yes, every woman should have the option to stay at home or not. In the US today maternity leave policies are probably the worse in the world. .. and THAT is something that needs fixing. If maternity leave policies were not as limited as they are here in the US then perhaps more mothers would choose to stay home, without having to worry about job reentry.

       

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      • Lol!ta user photo

        2

        Lol!ta Oct 19, 2012

        fully agree - particularly, your last point.

         

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